Earlier today, I was sitting in the middle of my floor reading Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter. I was a site, with tubs and boxes and piles of books scattered everywhere. But I was lost in this book from my child hood. Why? Because I wanted to. I wanted to do something for me, which was take a moment to read a book that I loved as a child and take a break from the "which pile should this book go in ? Should I take this one to use? Maybe I should leave this one here..." Revisiting stories that I grew up loving.... You find out that they never get old and you never forget the story.
I guess moments like that have been sparse for me for quite some time. Jared had told me that I needed to start doing things for "me," stuff that I wanted to do. Having a moment of me time instead of going full force for everything and everyone else. So I've been trying, and it's not always consistent, but I am learning how good it is for me, like taking a moment to enjoy a piece of my childhood.
I decided to take another moment(since I have gotten quite a bit accomplished today) to take another moment for me. So I am. I am writing. I have missed blogging quite a bit(not that I was an avid blogger or anything) but when I did it was very therapeutic. I could get lost in it for a while just pouring out some feelings. Needless to say, I have a lot to catch up on.
Yes, I am stressed. What's new? lol Which is why Jared says I need "me" time. I have been non stop the past year it feels like. I finally graduated college with my bachelors in education(go me!). I am so glad to have that milestone behind me. On top of that, we have been wedding planning.... which I would love to say has been so fun.... but the reality of it is that it can be completely overwhelming....
Ok... so part of the stress is me. I have realized through all of this that I hate making decisions on details and sometimes I think too much about what other people think(which I thought I was getting pretty good at not caring, but apparently it has overtaken in other aspects of my life). Let's be honest though... does it really matter what kind of napkins I choose or if I want to have a seating chart for guests or if the chicken goes with the vegetables picked out? No. It doesn't. But deep down I want my wedding day to be that perfect day(totally unrealistic) and have everything the way I want it. So, detail decisions have stressed me out. More importantly, finances have stressed me out. Hooray for being a broke college graduate! Starting out in debt!! YEAH! lol I can't complain though. God has really blessed us with everything we need. He continues to provide in ways that I am just blown away by. And as of lately, I have been holding onto that. I have a venue that is half paid, a dress half paid, and my engagement ring is paid off so wedding bands will be next. The only other huge hurtle is catering, but God is already opening doors for us. I really am so thankful and excited about this. I mean, this is my fairy tale. It's my happily ever after. And this princess has waited a long time.
Here lately, Bridezilla has taken over. I finally have started to find my backbone and just take peoples opinions and brush them off(which omg... its so hard). I have people daily ask me how wedding planning is going and if I have done this and that and that I should do this. And you know, I love advice, but I don't need to be told what I "should" do. That makes me feel like I am not doing something right. And as my daddy has told me "Its your wedding, do what you want." And this month, I have finally started grasping that. If you know me, you know I am pretty simple. I am a kid trapped in an adults body. I love princesses and superheroes. I enjoy having fun. And when I say fun I don't mean going out and getting trashed. I know how to have a good time without having alcohol and other things involved(not that I am knocking those who want to enjoy a drink every now and then. If you are responsible, I commend you and say have another for me). I'm not a stay up late and go clubbing or to a bar person, and I'm not a stick in the mud either. I like to define it as classy. And thats what I want my wedding to be. Classy, elegant, and my way. And if I want to wear a tiara and have more than one flower girl and walk down the isle to a disney track, I will! lol And by all means I am dancing at me wedding!
Alright.... wedding rant over.... my apologies. But really, I am seeing so much and learning so much and growing so much through this process. I do things now where I am like, "wow... I feel like an adult." That is definitely a good feeling. I have looked back at situations from my past and how I handle things, and just how I can be as a person. God has definitely humbled me this way. He has put me through many situations to where I have to decide if I want to be the better person, or if I want to be "that" person. And I don't want to be that person. I have always been noted for my kind and caring heart, but God never fails to point out the areas that aren't so kind, and aren't so Christ-like. Things I have said or the way I have reacted to a situation can put a damper on any amount of goodness. And I get that. And I totally suck it up sometimes. but thank goodness I have a God who loves me for who I am and forgives me for those moments. He lets me know... and its usually with a wake-up call. I guess is boils down to a question that I have had to ask myself recently: What would people see if they saw my heart? HUGE punch in the gut sometimes. But let me tell you, take a step back and imagine it. It's a very humbling experience.
I decided to take another moment(since I have gotten quite a bit accomplished today) to take another moment for me. So I am. I am writing. I have missed blogging quite a bit(not that I was an avid blogger or anything) but when I did it was very therapeutic. I could get lost in it for a while just pouring out some feelings. Needless to say, I have a lot to catch up on.
Yes, I am stressed. What's new? lol Which is why Jared says I need "me" time. I have been non stop the past year it feels like. I finally graduated college with my bachelors in education(go me!). I am so glad to have that milestone behind me. On top of that, we have been wedding planning.... which I would love to say has been so fun.... but the reality of it is that it can be completely overwhelming....
Ok... so part of the stress is me. I have realized through all of this that I hate making decisions on details and sometimes I think too much about what other people think(which I thought I was getting pretty good at not caring, but apparently it has overtaken in other aspects of my life). Let's be honest though... does it really matter what kind of napkins I choose or if I want to have a seating chart for guests or if the chicken goes with the vegetables picked out? No. It doesn't. But deep down I want my wedding day to be that perfect day(totally unrealistic) and have everything the way I want it. So, detail decisions have stressed me out. More importantly, finances have stressed me out. Hooray for being a broke college graduate! Starting out in debt!! YEAH! lol I can't complain though. God has really blessed us with everything we need. He continues to provide in ways that I am just blown away by. And as of lately, I have been holding onto that. I have a venue that is half paid, a dress half paid, and my engagement ring is paid off so wedding bands will be next. The only other huge hurtle is catering, but God is already opening doors for us. I really am so thankful and excited about this. I mean, this is my fairy tale. It's my happily ever after. And this princess has waited a long time.
Here lately, Bridezilla has taken over. I finally have started to find my backbone and just take peoples opinions and brush them off(which omg... its so hard). I have people daily ask me how wedding planning is going and if I have done this and that and that I should do this. And you know, I love advice, but I don't need to be told what I "should" do. That makes me feel like I am not doing something right. And as my daddy has told me "Its your wedding, do what you want." And this month, I have finally started grasping that. If you know me, you know I am pretty simple. I am a kid trapped in an adults body. I love princesses and superheroes. I enjoy having fun. And when I say fun I don't mean going out and getting trashed. I know how to have a good time without having alcohol and other things involved(not that I am knocking those who want to enjoy a drink every now and then. If you are responsible, I commend you and say have another for me). I'm not a stay up late and go clubbing or to a bar person, and I'm not a stick in the mud either. I like to define it as classy. And thats what I want my wedding to be. Classy, elegant, and my way. And if I want to wear a tiara and have more than one flower girl and walk down the isle to a disney track, I will! lol And by all means I am dancing at me wedding!
Alright.... wedding rant over.... my apologies. But really, I am seeing so much and learning so much and growing so much through this process. I do things now where I am like, "wow... I feel like an adult." That is definitely a good feeling. I have looked back at situations from my past and how I handle things, and just how I can be as a person. God has definitely humbled me this way. He has put me through many situations to where I have to decide if I want to be the better person, or if I want to be "that" person. And I don't want to be that person. I have always been noted for my kind and caring heart, but God never fails to point out the areas that aren't so kind, and aren't so Christ-like. Things I have said or the way I have reacted to a situation can put a damper on any amount of goodness. And I get that. And I totally suck it up sometimes. but thank goodness I have a God who loves me for who I am and forgives me for those moments. He lets me know... and its usually with a wake-up call. I guess is boils down to a question that I have had to ask myself recently: What would people see if they saw my heart? HUGE punch in the gut sometimes. But let me tell you, take a step back and imagine it. It's a very humbling experience.
Pretty sure God has been sending me through this whirlwind of "growing-up" lessons to prepare for one of my next big adventures.... My NEW JOB!!! If you don't know, I am now going to be teaching PreK at Westside Elementary in Whitfield Co. This will be thier first Ga PreK classroom, so it's ALL new. I have a lot to learn in a very short amount of time, but I am very excited. PreK has always been my favorite, but knowing how the Ga PreK system works and knowing the curriculum is going to be new. Being drilled on Common Core and how the K-12 system works for the past two years, I'm at a loss when it comes to how Ga PreK works. I know there are many things that I will be using(classroom management class... Thank you Dr. Murphy!). It's just the newness of it all. Then of course everyone I have talked to keeps telling me not to worry, that I know PreK like the back of my hand, that I am pretty much born to teach it. Lol which makes me feel wonderful. I guess it's just the anxiety of doing something new and not wanting to mess up, even though I know I will, that's how you learn. But overall, I am SOOOO excited!!!! This has been a major blessing.
Now that I have a job, I have done nothing this past week but organize and go through stuff I have like books and paperwork and whatnot, try and figure out a game plan for my classroom (set-up and procedures and whatnot), do the usual paperwork for employment, attended my first workshop, got some wedding things figured out, made a list of more wedding things I need to figure out, and just tried to keep my head above water. Jared was in Vegas all week and I kept myself away from social media and even turned off my phone every now and then. It was amazing how much stuff I got accomplished. I think the best thing was making myself shut down FB, Instagram, and other forms of socail media. Talk about a clear mind! I did miss posting stuff though. I had some things to share, but I didn't break and just went on with my day. :) It was great. I really think everyone could benifit from taking a hiatus every once and a while.
Coming back full circle, I did what Jared wanted. I took some time for me this week. I did things I wanted to do, did things I knew I needed to do, and tried to make sure I balanced it out so I wouldn't get completely overwhelmed. I ran this week; very VERY close to making a mile and a half. I had some time to work and watch kiddos this week. I even spent some time with my siblings. That is the me part. The rest was the stuff I need to do for job and wedding and whatnot. Lol but I feel great. I feel 100000 times better since Jared is back too. He got home Friday night from Vegas. He had fun, but I know he is glad to be home.
Tomorrow, I have new teacher orientation. Which to me, means I basically become official! Lol pretty exciting stuff.... I have to figure out what I want to wear. Lol I have that Monday and Tuesday, then I will be putting together my CLASSROOM!!!! I finally have some furniture and supplies. Very excited. :) Life is going to be pretty crazy, for the next few months, but I am so ready. And I am definitely going to make sure to take some time to breathe. :)
I think that's enough for now.... until next time. :)
<3 K
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