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Things I need to start doing....

I'm sitting here this morning in the Worleys living room watching the sun shine through the windows and enjoying the sileb=nce before the kids wake up.  I had an amazing day yesterday, but for some reason I woke up with a heavy heart and a lot on my mind, mostly trying to figure out why I'm not happy this morning. And jsut so everyone knows, when you ask God to show you something, be ready to deal. You may not like it. Thats been my morning.  And I'm sure he's not done yet. 
1. Its been a while since I have regularly started my morning off talking to God, I use to do it in my car all the time. And I have let exhaustion and excuses take over that time.  Yes, spending time throughout the day is great, but not starting my day off right will totally make or break a day.  Plus I was much more confident when I was doing that, I was a little less stressed
2. I realize I bring a lot of my stress on myself. I worry about way too much. And there are things that I just need to give to God and leave it with Him.  for instance, college.  I have no clue how i'm going to pay for it, I have a full week of class, and I'm terrified I will not be able to handle it. not to mention I DO NOT want to do this. I cant worry about that, I cant worry about my family and my friends and money and jared and situations. Its going to be the death of me.  I have a ring that I bought a year or 2 ago that says FAITH on it.  and I dont always have that.  but i've looked back at the past few months, really since before christmas. the financial situation at my house is not good at all. and though it was not all at once, there was always one of us, even when things were really bad, that had faith that we woudl be ok.  God has provided for us every time.  and a lot of times i forgot that.  If I did that with every problem and every worry and every  situation, I woudl be healthier and happier. I have to let things go.
3. Speaking of letting things go, I need to sit back and take a look at my heart, and let go of some hurt.  I have a few things in my life that i need to get out. i have people that i need to move on from and not worry about what tehy are doing or how they are doing and leave them in my past. a situation that recently was brought back up has really hit me hard. moreso bc of the way i have been acting.  God has given them consequences for thier mistakes, and he will handle them. thier mistakes and what they did is over and in the past. they are paying for it. and I need to just leave it alone. what good is it for me to know how they are doing, to get pleasure out of someones stupidity, when I know in my heart that is completely wrong.  and I have definately been convicted of that this morning. Its not my place to judge ANYONE. and I know we all do it. but that doesnt mean its right. we are not God. so really, I need to let these people and these situations and the hurt from it all be put in my past for good. and if i encounter them, i will deal with it like an adult. I'm not going to step into drama.
4. I need to hold my tounge. along with the hurt from number 3 and the way I have acted, I have said and wished a lot of ugly things. I've looked back at the past few months and how the way I say things, and the things I say, arent the best. actually, a lot of it very hurtful.  I have become one of those people that say things and talk about others that I use to be like OMG how can someone be like that.... welll, look at me now.  my attitude in how I speak to others can make or break me. not to mention, I have people that look up to me, children that look up tp me. and I do not want them to speak like that. 

5. I need to live a healthier lifestyle, all the way around. I need to stop being lazy, with EVERYTHING.  I need to be getting up at a decent hour, going to bed at a decent hour. eating right, exercising right, managing my time better, spending my time wiser, and making time for things that i need to make time for.  and i need to accomplish the previous things that i mentioned, to better myself. 
Its always good to take a step back and look at yourself, and think about how people see you, more importantly how God sees you and if you are pleasing to His eye.  I don't want people to see me as some of the people that have hurt me.  mostly, how does God see me right now? well, He showed me this morning... and I do not liek the picture he painted for me. So, let me apologize to anyone that i have been ugly to, and for the times that i have said things i shouldnt have, acted how i shouldnt have, not been there for someone when i needed to. for letting worry overcome me and push people out.
Please remember me. I have a lot of work to do. and i need encouragement.  for ALL of it.  thankfully i have a forgiving God who loves me and is continuously smoothing out my rough spots. 

<3 K

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