So blogging was suppose to be a vent for me.... and let me just say I failed.... lol ok no I just let it slide for a while. Its time to catch up
but really, this isn't going to be much of a catch up blog.... its more like my mind is fried blog and i just need to type... I'm long overdue.
I'm sitting in the student center... at Dalton state college... the place that i LOATHE with a passion.... so of course i am just in a dampered(is that a word?) mood already. I can say though, school hasn't been to bad so far(its my 2nd week going full time) My teachers are all pretty good. But if you know me, you know my heart... school is NOT where its at. this place really just feels like a jail to me... punishment bc i am not a geneus and love school and wizz thru it getting a top paying job and everything i want in life... no... I'm the one who is going to school because she has to so she can get a piece of paper to get a teaching job that may not even be available when she graduates bc the economy sucks... YAAAYYY.... but I'm complaining. the bigger picture is that I am never happy when I am here. I can try to enter this place w a good attitude and optimism but its just like an unnatural force just makes me so blahhhh when I'm here. and I want nothing to do with it.
I thought college was suppose to be enjoyable...
speaking of enjoyable.... I do love my job. I love all my kids so much. and not that I'm picking favorites, bc that's wrong, but I have SOOO loved watching the twins(hope and cole alsobrooks). I lovelovelovelovelove babies. like even though today was CRAZY with cole starting to teethe and hope already teething and picking up and taking faith to school with both of them, I have loved every minute of it. (yes even the spit up on my shirt) I just feel sooo at ease when I'm sitting there rocking a sweet baby or talking to them or watching them sleep. is that bad??? I cant have baby fever... I'm not even married yet.... but I guess its there?? I mean I do want that. I want my man(jared adam <3 ) and my wedding and my honey moon and my house and my own baby/babies. I just kinda want it to happen ya know? some days its like y not now??? but then some days I'm absolutely terrified. Life is a lot....
Life is more than a lot sometimes. too much at times. like a few weeks ago when Jared found out he may be getting a job in Savannah.... that's SAVANNAH..... 6 HOURS..... and I cried all week. I felt like no matter what happened I would be a problem. If he went, he would be miserable bc I would be miserable. If he stayed, he would have missed out on the opportunity of a life time bc he chose to stay for me. and that's SO FAR AWAY. and if you know my boyfriend, he always makes his decisions with me in mind. but i told him, i want him to do what he wants. without adding me in. of course he doesn't listen. but we did talk about it. This is a BIG deal. this is HUGE for him. and he doesn't have to stay forever. 4 or 5 years he can have any job he wants in the fd(besides) chief. if will be a good paying full time job. we can start saving for stuff we want, get him a new vehicle, maybe even me lol, pay off bills, pay off college, pay for a ring(he said that btw) start our future. and he wants to do that. he is looking at it from that perspective and so am I(now). I have never wanted something so bad in my life now. bc I can handle that. If i can drive to Michigan I can drive to Savannah. I can finish school and maybe start on my business degree and he'll be home by then. Its something I really want to happen now. but I'm terrified. its a big change. not only that, but if he doesn't get it, idk what we are going to do. he really wants away from greasy. he realllyreallly wants a fulll time job. and I will feel like its karma if he doesn't get it bc I was so upset about the distance at 1st. blahhhh its still a big mess of stress in my mind.
what makes this situation worse... everyone is going off to college so its me here again.... at Dalton.... yayyyyy.... ***hate*** So august is officially the worst month ever.... Jessi is at west GA and Matt is at abac and Brianna is at Tennessee temple(not far i know) and everyone either works or has a diff school sched and I'm just BLAHHHHHHH
....i got 4 minutes, then i need to head to class...
anyways... I need to get some stuff together for this weekend. having a cookout at the beautiful holly stockbugrers house with some old friends(colorguard) I love these girls. =] thinking of rachel (runyan)clark and her hubby this week too. he has been in the hospital and had to have a tumor removed! crazy stuff!!! she is so strong!
speaking of strong,, did i mention i wasn't? lol well, ok so i may be strong in some senses but i have definitely been broken this week. God keeps bringing up things i need to realize. (one of the reasons my mind is crazy... he loves to do it lol) but the big thing is looking around town... seeing repairs... seeing things growing back... and also still seeing destruction. those images are forever burnt into my mind,. I cant get rid of them. and it still hurts. i cried yesterday on the way to school bc i was just broken. everything going on is healing me, and he's showing me that. he's reminding me how much I have to be thankful for and stuff that i STILL take for granted. how he is God of this city, of this state, of this earth of this WORLD. He's big enough, and there is no one like him. and to measure up to a God like that is something that cant be done. i have never felt so small and so week. and i was shown that yesterday. and today. and i was shown that he's still here... no matter how much is going on in my life. no matter how many times i put things in front of him, or how many times i mess up, or when i wander off course. hes always right back there to pick me up again and tells me he loves me. How awesome is our God. Really.
Its time for class. and i feel better. its good to get it out. more to come. be prepared
<3 K
but really, this isn't going to be much of a catch up blog.... its more like my mind is fried blog and i just need to type... I'm long overdue.
I'm sitting in the student center... at Dalton state college... the place that i LOATHE with a passion.... so of course i am just in a dampered(is that a word?) mood already. I can say though, school hasn't been to bad so far(its my 2nd week going full time) My teachers are all pretty good. But if you know me, you know my heart... school is NOT where its at. this place really just feels like a jail to me... punishment bc i am not a geneus and love school and wizz thru it getting a top paying job and everything i want in life... no... I'm the one who is going to school because she has to so she can get a piece of paper to get a teaching job that may not even be available when she graduates bc the economy sucks... YAAAYYY.... but I'm complaining. the bigger picture is that I am never happy when I am here. I can try to enter this place w a good attitude and optimism but its just like an unnatural force just makes me so blahhhh when I'm here. and I want nothing to do with it.
I thought college was suppose to be enjoyable...
speaking of enjoyable.... I do love my job. I love all my kids so much. and not that I'm picking favorites, bc that's wrong, but I have SOOO loved watching the twins(hope and cole alsobrooks). I lovelovelovelovelove babies. like even though today was CRAZY with cole starting to teethe and hope already teething and picking up and taking faith to school with both of them, I have loved every minute of it. (yes even the spit up on my shirt) I just feel sooo at ease when I'm sitting there rocking a sweet baby or talking to them or watching them sleep. is that bad??? I cant have baby fever... I'm not even married yet.... but I guess its there?? I mean I do want that. I want my man(jared adam <3 ) and my wedding and my honey moon and my house and my own baby/babies. I just kinda want it to happen ya know? some days its like y not now??? but then some days I'm absolutely terrified. Life is a lot....
Life is more than a lot sometimes. too much at times. like a few weeks ago when Jared found out he may be getting a job in Savannah.... that's SAVANNAH..... 6 HOURS..... and I cried all week. I felt like no matter what happened I would be a problem. If he went, he would be miserable bc I would be miserable. If he stayed, he would have missed out on the opportunity of a life time bc he chose to stay for me. and that's SO FAR AWAY. and if you know my boyfriend, he always makes his decisions with me in mind. but i told him, i want him to do what he wants. without adding me in. of course he doesn't listen. but we did talk about it. This is a BIG deal. this is HUGE for him. and he doesn't have to stay forever. 4 or 5 years he can have any job he wants in the fd(besides) chief. if will be a good paying full time job. we can start saving for stuff we want, get him a new vehicle, maybe even me lol, pay off bills, pay off college, pay for a ring(he said that btw) start our future. and he wants to do that. he is looking at it from that perspective and so am I(now). I have never wanted something so bad in my life now. bc I can handle that. If i can drive to Michigan I can drive to Savannah. I can finish school and maybe start on my business degree and he'll be home by then. Its something I really want to happen now. but I'm terrified. its a big change. not only that, but if he doesn't get it, idk what we are going to do. he really wants away from greasy. he realllyreallly wants a fulll time job. and I will feel like its karma if he doesn't get it bc I was so upset about the distance at 1st. blahhhh its still a big mess of stress in my mind.
what makes this situation worse... everyone is going off to college so its me here again.... at Dalton.... yayyyyy.... ***hate*** So august is officially the worst month ever.... Jessi is at west GA and Matt is at abac and Brianna is at Tennessee temple(not far i know) and everyone either works or has a diff school sched and I'm just BLAHHHHHHH
....i got 4 minutes, then i need to head to class...
anyways... I need to get some stuff together for this weekend. having a cookout at the beautiful holly stockbugrers house with some old friends(colorguard) I love these girls. =] thinking of rachel (runyan)clark and her hubby this week too. he has been in the hospital and had to have a tumor removed! crazy stuff!!! she is so strong!
speaking of strong,, did i mention i wasn't? lol well, ok so i may be strong in some senses but i have definitely been broken this week. God keeps bringing up things i need to realize. (one of the reasons my mind is crazy... he loves to do it lol) but the big thing is looking around town... seeing repairs... seeing things growing back... and also still seeing destruction. those images are forever burnt into my mind,. I cant get rid of them. and it still hurts. i cried yesterday on the way to school bc i was just broken. everything going on is healing me, and he's showing me that. he's reminding me how much I have to be thankful for and stuff that i STILL take for granted. how he is God of this city, of this state, of this earth of this WORLD. He's big enough, and there is no one like him. and to measure up to a God like that is something that cant be done. i have never felt so small and so week. and i was shown that yesterday. and today. and i was shown that he's still here... no matter how much is going on in my life. no matter how many times i put things in front of him, or how many times i mess up, or when i wander off course. hes always right back there to pick me up again and tells me he loves me. How awesome is our God. Really.
Its time for class. and i feel better. its good to get it out. more to come. be prepared
<3 K
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