The Fevers of Life

Finding time to post this week. Which is miraculous bc I usually don't have the free time on Mondays, but I managed to find some today. Also, as you may have noticed, I changed fonts.... I love the fancy but its too hard to read =/

As many of you know, I am full time at DSC(yay.....not). Ok so its not the most enjoyable place in the world, BUT I am in my EDUC classes and I would much rather be here than in my core classes that I have FINALLY gotten through. Being full time has been a BIG change for me, very hard actually. I started in on this process when I left Preschool about 2 years ago. Probably one of the scariest things I have ever done. God was definitely pushing me out of my comfort zone in many ways, to stand up for myself, to take on things that I never would have before, and most of all, to just trust him. Some of you may or may not know all the reasons why I left preschool, but that is another story for another day, one of my main goals was taking on more classes. I was only part time, 2 classes a semester at night while I was working. And omg.... talk about taking forever. Thankfully for the first year out of preschool, I still had a nice income(actually... I was making more than I was at preschool!!! but like I said... that's another story =] ) I worked(and still do work) for some wonderful families who I met through preschool(many of which had students in my MMO class) and was a full time nanny/babysitter/ whatever you want to call me. And being able to still be a part of those kids lives was SUCH a big deal to me. I love each and every child I encountered at preschool, still do. and I miss being in a classroom so much. Thankfully, I still have connections to many of them. Nanny life was(is) great, I could schedule when I could work around my classes and it usually never interfered too bad bc I could still take a lot online and at night. I worked every day of the week, and I loved it. Spring of last year I had 2 new editions to my child care, The Alsobrook twins that you hear me talk about often. Faith became a big sister the evening of April 27th and I now had more added to my plate. and I have LOVED it. I get to watch them grow just like I did Faith when she started out in my class at 6 months. That's probably one of the things I love most is that I have had the opportunity to watch all of my kids grow from a young age. Mitch and Bree I have had since my 1st year teaching. February of 2007 was when I watched them for the 1st time. Mitch was in the 4 yr class and Bree was in my MMO class. My sweet Bree is now 6 years old and Mitch will be hitting the double digits this year, turning 10.... and I can't believe it every time I look at him. He is so tall and maturing so much, he's not that sweet little boy I met years ago, he's big stuff now, and I am so proud of him. Faith I also had at 6 months. She was the smallest thing, and we never thought she would have hair! lol She is 4 now, soon to be 5, and is the smartest child you will ever meet. Her and Bree are 2 of my only girls that I ever had in MMO, not counting my last year there. They are very dear to my heart. Jake and Jenna I met my last year of teaching, and I couldn't be more thankful to have them in my life. Jenna and Faith were bffs in the 2 yr old class and Jake was just a baby at the time. Jenna is now 4 at boynton prek and Jake is 2. They are the sweetest kids you will ever meet. Jake is talking more and more and knows my name, and it makes me SO happy. And Jenna is teaching me something new every time I see her. I love them all. My twins, Faith's little brother and sister, are 8 almost 9 months now. It amazes me how fast they have grown. being preemie they were the tiniest little babies I have ever met in my life, now they are almost crawling. From the time I started teaching until now I have devoted my time to these children(and others at different times, these are my regulars though). I love them all just like they are my own and their families are so dear to me. They love me and treat me like I am a part of their family and I look up to them all. I know I can call on any of them if I need to. This past year had been the hardest, most challenging year yet, and 2012 seems to be starting off trying to top that. last year, I turned 23. Everyone around me was either getting married or having a baby. School was starting to pick up and I was doing a lot more with my life. This past fall, I had to take on a school schedule that was pretty full, but still allowed me to have my nanny jobs, just with some hours changed. When registering for spring, I cried. Almost all of my classes were only offered at one set time, and there was no way to schedule it without making a major cut in my nanny hours. My heart was broken. Thankfully my God had a plan, and allowed for my best friend in the world to be taking classes from home this semester and she was able to take over my job for the spring. I would recommend her to anyone, she is so great. and Faith loves her and knew her from past times where she has had to fill in for me. I still get to take Faith to school every morning and on Tuesdays pick her up, and I still get to see my Worley kids on Thurs and Friday. And I've even got it worked out to where the Ryans want me for Date nights maybe once a week. But, the transition is so hard. Its bittersweet for me knowing that I am having to give up something I love doing but in doing so will allow me to continue doing what I love, teaching, being with kids. What makes this even harder, which I haven't shared this with anyone accept for maybe Jessi and my mother, starting in the fall, I wont be able to do much more nannying at all. I will be on block schedule starting my last 2 years of college(YES!) and will be spending 2 days on campus and 2 days in the public schools and the rest of the time studying my tail off. It hit me the other day and I broke down. That is going to be SO HARD!! Like you don't understand(well some of you do) how much I love what I do. But thankfully one day (2 yrs...) I will be back in a classroom teaching! Yes, I will still have summers to nanny, but I will have some summer classes I think one summer(gross). It just kills me.
I think the stress from that and the stress from everything else has actually been helping me grow up somewhat. I am learning to deal with things better, to keep a level head about a lot of things, and to have faith that things will turn out how they are suppose to. I have done very well lately with the stress of my papa and his cancer. For those who don't know, my papa(grandfather, mom's dad) has a rare form of cancer called Multiple Myloma. It is in his bloodstream and If i understand correctly is more than likely in his bone marrow. we found out recently that he is not at a high risk stage, which is good, and that he already has an appointment with Vanderbuilt(what they are going to do at this appointment, I have no clue). He's been doing the treatments prescribed(i think its radiation this week?) and pain comes and goes, mostly in his back. Wanna know the cool thing though, the Dr's are very impressed that he got into Vandy so quickly and they are keeping positive. even cooler, his Dr at vandy, his 1st name is Jesus(not pronounced as spelled of course) but omg, how awesome is our God for giving little blessings like that? I had a huge scare in the middle of the night though that got me really thinking about all of this, basically a dream where I woke up in tears. I'm not elaborating, but it got me to think about all sorts of things. Mostly the future. I want my grandparents to be around for when I get married. I want them to have great grandchildren. I don't ever want them to leave. And I take for granted all the times I have spent with them and times I could have spent with them. Really though, I want them to be there for my wedding. I think a lot about how I am going to be 24 years old this year. Jared and I have been dating for 5 years this past December. Almost everyone I know who has graduated with me is either married, getting married, having kids or already has kids. There's times I'm like WHEN IS IT MY TURN!!! I want to start our life together! I want our own house and our own bills(not too many, I've already got some!) and have a family of our own. I know its all in God's timing. He knows when the time is right and will make that clear for us. We want to be ready in all aspects(financially, spiritually, etc). And we both have goals that we plan to accomplish in our lives before that happens(me with school, him with a job, etc.) It just really gets me down sometimes. waiting is hard. and the longer I wait now, the more I keep thinking... what about my grandparents, my great grandma. Will these people still be around? Will I be able to share that with them? Jared knows, as well as a few of my close friends, that I want nothing more on my wedding day but to have everyone in my family there, getting along, sharing that special moment with me. Its one of the most important days of my life!
You all are probably reading this thinking, what the heck does this have to do with the title?? To put it all in perspective, I have major wedding and baby fever. It varys from day to day, sometimes one, sometimes the other, sometimes both. I want so bad to be planning my wedding right now, to be setting a date. I know so many things that I already want to do and some budget cutting ideas. I want to dress shop, OH how I want to dress shop. I want me and my closest friends to spend a day(or maybe more, depending) just trying on all kinds of different wedding dresses. I want to plan my honey moon. I want to marry the man who walked into my life years ago and stole my heart, I want to be his wife(thankfully he wants that too. lol) I want to be Mrs. Kristen Danielle Warren(which I write quite a bit to practice... lol) I know, I'm so crazy.... but that's what my heart is set on right now. I want to be married for a while, and when the time is right, I want to have a baby(or babies). I want a little boy or a little girl, honestly, I want 4, 2 of each. I may even have twins(there's a good chance....) I want to spend sleepless nights taking care of an infant. I want to love them unconditionally. I want to kiss them and cuddle them and hug them, dirty diapers and all. I want to make them smile. I want to be a good mother. I want to watch Jared love them as well. He is going to be such a great father. he is so good with kids and he is GREAT with the twins. they just love him. I want to watch my children grow and learn. I want to dress my kids up super cute ALL THE TIME(Jared is already worrying about me buying them too much clothes lol) I want it all. Its been a long time coming, but this month has just been the month where everyday I am thinking about one or the other or both. its gotten that bad. BUT.... I'm trying to be patient. call me crazy, I can't help it. I have never wanted something so bad in my life. It definately doesnt help being around precious babies(that I LOVE so much) and watchign everyone get engaged or married or have kids. Thankfully I know that good things come to those who wait. In waiting, I will not start of in a stressful marriage, I will not start off in a financial rut, I will be ready(well, as ready as you can be) for a lifetime as a married woman, with a Christ-based relationship and one day I will hopefully be blessed with a child(or children) of my own instead of making the mistake to have one now. I got plans, but I'm listening and forming them from what God wants for my life(HARD!!! but worth it) He will always know what's best in my life.
.......but i still really want these things SO BAD lol
Time to get off my lazy butt and eat something for dinner. ;) Love you all.
<3 K
ps... here are some pictures of the little blessings in my life =]