I guess I am way over due for a blog. I never really take the time to sit down and write one anymore. What better time than in class..... Lol For once we have a free period. Dr Murphy is out of town and we are suppose to be working on his presentation. We are all more concerned with lesson plans right now(gonna be the death of me).
Out of all the classes I have right now in the education program, there is one that is the absolute worst. Not because of the subject matter(its language arts) but because of the teacher. I have never had a teacher so unorganized, unprepared, and really having no idea what the heck they are teaching. New professor, never taught college before, only thing he has taught is social studies for middle and high school.... seriously? I don't even know what to think anymore. And I can't go to the Dean, bc from what I have heard he is about worthless too. There is no talking to either of them. I am so frusterated.
...enough about that. Lets get on to whats been happening as of lately. Jared started his 1st day with Walker County FD Monday(filling out paper work) and His 1st full shift today. <3 I am ecstatic. This past week he was off all week, his last day at greasy was the previous Friday. He has been a completely different person. I can just see the stress lifted from him. Unfortunately, I have been adding stress back onto him, not on purpose, but he always stresses about me, especially with the month I have had. The Monday that we found out he go the job, was great. Since then, it has been crazy. It was a rough week. That Wednesday, I got news that Holly(my colorguard instructor when I was in high school) was going to be sent home with Hospice. She has been battling breast cancer, this being the 3rd bought, and well, really she is just eat up with it. I was a basket case. Thursday was pink out day for Holly. Of course I was decked out, and I was at RPS for my placement. I felt like a zombie the whole time I was there. My heart was just breaking. I went with a few of the lovely ladies I was on guard with to the hospital that night to see her. It was another memory that I will forever cherish. Just being there with her, talking to her, making her laugh. That's what we wanted. We laughed, and of course we cried. We loved and we prayed and we left there with heavy hearts for Holly and Chris and the whole family. There was hope in our hearts though, that she would possibly regain strength so the Drs could do the surgery on her intestines to take out the blockages from the cancer. That was definitely the goal I was praying for. If she could get there, she could maybe go one step further. But, God had other plans. Saturday morning I got a phone call from my mother that crisis care had been called in. I was at the grocery store... couldn't breathe, couldn't cry, couldn't really think of what to do. I finished what I could shopping wise and made it to my car. Really, Idk how I made it home. Jared was waiting for me in the driveway and I just bawled my eyes out. My heart hurts so bad right now.
I keep thinking about all the memories. Thinking about how this beautiful lady who impacted my life so much, as well as the lives of many others, is going through something that I just really don't believe she deserves. Then I think about how, through this whole fight, she has done nothing but think about others, do for others, and love others, never once putting herself and her burdons first, not even wanting to ask for prayer. I look back at my life and think about the choices I have made, the people I have encountered and the views I have on life. I can only wish that in the 24, almost 25 years I have been alive, that I would be even half the woman she is. She continues to this day, even at home in her condition, to touch SO many lives.
Am I living my life like that? I have really been thinking about my life lately and how I impact others. I want to have that kind of positive impact on the people I meet everyday. I want to make a difference in the lives of so many, just like her. Holly is the type of person that really doesnt care what other people think. She is going to do what she feels in her heart is right and what she knows God would have her do. I worry way too much about what people think, about if I am going to upset them or hurt their feelings. I have got to stop that. I can't please everyone and it doesnt really make me happy. I just have a lot of things to think about. Lots of changes in my life and things I need to weed out. I have many choices I need to make and reevaluate, a lot of reflection on my actions and how I need to handle different situations, and how I interact with people and whether or not I am trying to always please people or if I am just being myself and standing up for what I think. I've been looking at who and what is holding me back in life and what I can change to impact the people around me, in everything I do. Holly has shown me that. Holly taught me a long time ago to be strong, and in changes like this, I need the strength. I'm learning that its time to stand up for myself and not let people walk all over me or treat me like dirt, even if it means standing up for what I believe in or hurting someone's feelings and/or losing friends. And that has been a SLOW process for me. I continue to grow in that, but I have to take it further. I am almost tired of being nice to some people. I want my life and the things I work hard towards to make a difference. And I am seeing clearer each day where and how I make those differences, and who really cares about them. I know that there are many areas in my life that I can change to better myself. I have been praying that God would continue to open my eyes to these things, no matter howmuch it hurts. And yes, at times, a lot of it hurts. Some of it goes back to the past. It's all a part of it though. It's all helping to make adjustments in my life. Just keep praying for me! I keep reflecting on Holly and how she impacts my life, even with what she is battling right now, and I hope to be like that someday.
I think the hardest part in all of this is having the confidence and encouragement to do so. I can't say thank you enough to all of those who pray for me. Who prayed for Jared and the job situation, who pray for my treck through school, for my family and my crazy life. Who when I am down, they are the ones who constantly push me saying you can do this, I love you, and I am praying for you. I wouldn't be sitting in this classroom today if it wasn't for that. I wouldn't have left preschool if it wasn't for that. I wouldn't have even gotten that job, if not for that. I can only hope that I return the favor and that those people feel my prayers and encouragement in return.
Definitely thinking about a lot of things, especially future related. I know God has big things planned for my life. I just have to trust Him. I have a whole lot more I could share about life and what all is going on, but I will save that for another day. =]
<3 K
Out of all the classes I have right now in the education program, there is one that is the absolute worst. Not because of the subject matter(its language arts) but because of the teacher. I have never had a teacher so unorganized, unprepared, and really having no idea what the heck they are teaching. New professor, never taught college before, only thing he has taught is social studies for middle and high school.... seriously? I don't even know what to think anymore. And I can't go to the Dean, bc from what I have heard he is about worthless too. There is no talking to either of them. I am so frusterated.
...enough about that. Lets get on to whats been happening as of lately. Jared started his 1st day with Walker County FD Monday(filling out paper work) and His 1st full shift today. <3 I am ecstatic. This past week he was off all week, his last day at greasy was the previous Friday. He has been a completely different person. I can just see the stress lifted from him. Unfortunately, I have been adding stress back onto him, not on purpose, but he always stresses about me, especially with the month I have had. The Monday that we found out he go the job, was great. Since then, it has been crazy. It was a rough week. That Wednesday, I got news that Holly(my colorguard instructor when I was in high school) was going to be sent home with Hospice. She has been battling breast cancer, this being the 3rd bought, and well, really she is just eat up with it. I was a basket case. Thursday was pink out day for Holly. Of course I was decked out, and I was at RPS for my placement. I felt like a zombie the whole time I was there. My heart was just breaking. I went with a few of the lovely ladies I was on guard with to the hospital that night to see her. It was another memory that I will forever cherish. Just being there with her, talking to her, making her laugh. That's what we wanted. We laughed, and of course we cried. We loved and we prayed and we left there with heavy hearts for Holly and Chris and the whole family. There was hope in our hearts though, that she would possibly regain strength so the Drs could do the surgery on her intestines to take out the blockages from the cancer. That was definitely the goal I was praying for. If she could get there, she could maybe go one step further. But, God had other plans. Saturday morning I got a phone call from my mother that crisis care had been called in. I was at the grocery store... couldn't breathe, couldn't cry, couldn't really think of what to do. I finished what I could shopping wise and made it to my car. Really, Idk how I made it home. Jared was waiting for me in the driveway and I just bawled my eyes out. My heart hurts so bad right now.
I keep thinking about all the memories. Thinking about how this beautiful lady who impacted my life so much, as well as the lives of many others, is going through something that I just really don't believe she deserves. Then I think about how, through this whole fight, she has done nothing but think about others, do for others, and love others, never once putting herself and her burdons first, not even wanting to ask for prayer. I look back at my life and think about the choices I have made, the people I have encountered and the views I have on life. I can only wish that in the 24, almost 25 years I have been alive, that I would be even half the woman she is. She continues to this day, even at home in her condition, to touch SO many lives.
Am I living my life like that? I have really been thinking about my life lately and how I impact others. I want to have that kind of positive impact on the people I meet everyday. I want to make a difference in the lives of so many, just like her. Holly is the type of person that really doesnt care what other people think. She is going to do what she feels in her heart is right and what she knows God would have her do. I worry way too much about what people think, about if I am going to upset them or hurt their feelings. I have got to stop that. I can't please everyone and it doesnt really make me happy. I just have a lot of things to think about. Lots of changes in my life and things I need to weed out. I have many choices I need to make and reevaluate, a lot of reflection on my actions and how I need to handle different situations, and how I interact with people and whether or not I am trying to always please people or if I am just being myself and standing up for what I think. I've been looking at who and what is holding me back in life and what I can change to impact the people around me, in everything I do. Holly has shown me that. Holly taught me a long time ago to be strong, and in changes like this, I need the strength. I'm learning that its time to stand up for myself and not let people walk all over me or treat me like dirt, even if it means standing up for what I believe in or hurting someone's feelings and/or losing friends. And that has been a SLOW process for me. I continue to grow in that, but I have to take it further. I am almost tired of being nice to some people. I want my life and the things I work hard towards to make a difference. And I am seeing clearer each day where and how I make those differences, and who really cares about them. I know that there are many areas in my life that I can change to better myself. I have been praying that God would continue to open my eyes to these things, no matter howmuch it hurts. And yes, at times, a lot of it hurts. Some of it goes back to the past. It's all a part of it though. It's all helping to make adjustments in my life. Just keep praying for me! I keep reflecting on Holly and how she impacts my life, even with what she is battling right now, and I hope to be like that someday.
I think the hardest part in all of this is having the confidence and encouragement to do so. I can't say thank you enough to all of those who pray for me. Who prayed for Jared and the job situation, who pray for my treck through school, for my family and my crazy life. Who when I am down, they are the ones who constantly push me saying you can do this, I love you, and I am praying for you. I wouldn't be sitting in this classroom today if it wasn't for that. I wouldn't have left preschool if it wasn't for that. I wouldn't have even gotten that job, if not for that. I can only hope that I return the favor and that those people feel my prayers and encouragement in return.
Definitely thinking about a lot of things, especially future related. I know God has big things planned for my life. I just have to trust Him. I have a whole lot more I could share about life and what all is going on, but I will save that for another day. =]
<3 K
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