7 days... can you believe it?
Well.. technically 6... this day is about over.
7 day.... 7 days and all of this will be put into motion. All of this will be worth the blood sweat and tears. All of this will be what I have wanted. My wedding. My marriage to the love of my life. My happily ever after. And a few hours ago, I was ready to throw in the towel and call it all off.
Pretty sure everyone who just read that was like WHAAAAAAT??? yep. I was over it. Let's be honest here, I am completely overwhelmed. New job, wedding, house hunting, life in general.... all at once. I was not prepared for it. But then, is anyone really prepared for anything in life? I have basically let it wear me down. Financially, this has been one of the hardest things we have ever done(house will be next of course). We are paying for this wedding ourselves and planning it ourselves..... so you can imagine how crazy it has been, Trying to make it work and not really knowing what the outcome will be is absolutely terrifying. Trying to make decisions on details and not really knowing how it's going to look or if it is really going to be the way you imagined it can make your stomach turn. It's here I realize that I have control issues. lol Really though, I was so tired today. So tired of last minute changes. So tired of trying to make things work. So tired of only doing the same two things (wedding and school) and still feeling like I can never catch up. I was over it. I was irritated and tired and not feeling good and all I could do was cry. I was arguing with Jared all day(he is at work) and basically after reaching my breaking point, I told him I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want a wedding.
Obviously, Jared called me and I just sat there and cried my eyes out. I was so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I had let everything consume me to where I was miserable. I wasn't enjoying it anymore. Jared did his best to calm me down. I was stubborn and of course didn't want to hear any of it. But he has a way of making me think. Before he had to get off the phone, one of the last things he said to me was "This time next week, we are going to be husband and wife. We have waited 8 years. You have waited so long to wear that dress and I have waited so long to see you in it. We will be Mr. and Mrs. Warren. What we have always wanted."
....He was right. (he usually is...) It is what I have wanted. To marry him. To be his wife. I was about to stop everything because I wasn't looking at WHY I was doing it all. I have had people tell me 100000 times, "The wedding is just a day, the marriage is a lifetime." In all of the craziness, I lost sight of that. I am going to MARRY him and be with him for the rest of my life. I am going to say "I do" to loving him in sickness and in health till death do us part. I am going to love being loved by this man, and will love him back with all my heart. That's what it's about. Not the flowers or the correct number of chairs or the drinks we need to have. Those are the things that do help make it even more special, but the special part is the marriage between two people who love each other with their whole heart, and know that this is what God has planned for them.
So yes, this time next week, I will be Mrs. Warren. I will not be cancelling. I will not be throwing in the towel. And if I don't have seat covers for the chairs or the same shades of pink for all of my decorations, I will be ok. I have to remember that's not what it's about.
I feel the excitement coming back now. The more I think about it the more I can't believe we have really made it to this point. It's been a long road! Especially here lately. Word of advice is wait until you are settled into your job before you set a date! lol Ok, so I can't even be like that... Jared and I planned this date over a year ago while I was still in school. We had no idea where God would have me come fall, or if He would even bless me with a job. He definitely decided to put my skills to the test with this job! Yes, it's PreK, one of my favorite things. But, I cannot tell you the struggles and trials I have had to face each and every day! MANY of them pushing me out of my comfort zone. I know God definitely is testing me to see that I rely on him. He has brought me through quite a roller coaster ride so far. I have started a brand new PreK class with pretty much NOTHING in the classroom and turned it into a learning environment that is growing everyday. I have 20 amazing students who are all unique and brilliant in their own way. This class is an inclusion classroom and I have learned SO much within the past two months. It takes even more work than what is already required and it takes a strong heart to keep positive and find ways to make everyone reach their full potential. Being the positive light in a classroom at all times can be tough. Thankfully, these babies melt my heart and it doesn't take much for them to make me smile! <3 I am so blessed by all the students I have this year. I am so going to miss them while I am out for my honeymoon! They will be in some very good hands though.
I have learned that it is definitely a lot easier to manage and deal with children than it is adults. My school year started off in a whirlwind with many different faces in my room and many people that I just did not know. There were many hard times where I would just break down because I was not sure what to do or what people were thinking. I learned very quickly that I am in a place where I have amazing support all the way around, and that it is OK to not know the answer! I also have learned that I have to start speaking up and making decisions based on what I want. I have three wonderful team members in my classroom(2 at all times, 1 for half of the day). I love and respect them so much, for they have been patient and encouraging and working hard along side me. I have never been the one "in charge." Thankfully, they are all good sports as I learn to "tell them what to do." One of my mentors has told me many times, "Kristen, its your classroom. YOU do what YOU want." And I am learning to do just that!
I love working at Westside. I cannot even tell you how much I love the staff there, the environment., the community. Most of you know I still LOVE Tunnel Hill. :) I do believe Westside and Tunnel Hill are two schools that have got it going on, and are doing the right things for their students. I am so thankful. <3
The big question that I have been asked since I have gotten this job is "Are you moving down there?" Obviously, I would love not to have to drive 20 or more minutes to work. But, I would love to stay in Catoosa County. Right now, Jared and I are not going to be in a house before the wedding. We are preapproved and looking. The one we REALLY wanted was justs removed from the listings this week. Not sold... so I'm not sure what is going on. We never even got to go see it. We have some other options, but we are not going to worry about it until after we get back. It's not worth it right now! Until then, we are going to be living it up in a camper... lol How luxurious, I know, BUT, its free, its nice, its a place that Jared and I can be alone. and it's only temporary. Thankfully, my grandparents aren't going to be traveling for a while so they are letting us live in it. It's pretty nice. We are hoping two months tops and then we will be in a house. My goal is to be in one before Thanksgiving.
I think I have shared enough tonight. And I think I am actually going to sleep great too. My heart feels so much lighter now that I have a better focus on what is coming. The details are NOT it, the marriage is. And I am going to be marrying Jared Adam Warren in 7 days.... I cannot WAIT. <3
Goodnight friends,
-K
Well.. technically 6... this day is about over.
7 day.... 7 days and all of this will be put into motion. All of this will be worth the blood sweat and tears. All of this will be what I have wanted. My wedding. My marriage to the love of my life. My happily ever after. And a few hours ago, I was ready to throw in the towel and call it all off.
Pretty sure everyone who just read that was like WHAAAAAAT??? yep. I was over it. Let's be honest here, I am completely overwhelmed. New job, wedding, house hunting, life in general.... all at once. I was not prepared for it. But then, is anyone really prepared for anything in life? I have basically let it wear me down. Financially, this has been one of the hardest things we have ever done(house will be next of course). We are paying for this wedding ourselves and planning it ourselves..... so you can imagine how crazy it has been, Trying to make it work and not really knowing what the outcome will be is absolutely terrifying. Trying to make decisions on details and not really knowing how it's going to look or if it is really going to be the way you imagined it can make your stomach turn. It's here I realize that I have control issues. lol Really though, I was so tired today. So tired of last minute changes. So tired of trying to make things work. So tired of only doing the same two things (wedding and school) and still feeling like I can never catch up. I was over it. I was irritated and tired and not feeling good and all I could do was cry. I was arguing with Jared all day(he is at work) and basically after reaching my breaking point, I told him I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want a wedding.
Obviously, Jared called me and I just sat there and cried my eyes out. I was so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I had let everything consume me to where I was miserable. I wasn't enjoying it anymore. Jared did his best to calm me down. I was stubborn and of course didn't want to hear any of it. But he has a way of making me think. Before he had to get off the phone, one of the last things he said to me was "This time next week, we are going to be husband and wife. We have waited 8 years. You have waited so long to wear that dress and I have waited so long to see you in it. We will be Mr. and Mrs. Warren. What we have always wanted."
....He was right. (he usually is...) It is what I have wanted. To marry him. To be his wife. I was about to stop everything because I wasn't looking at WHY I was doing it all. I have had people tell me 100000 times, "The wedding is just a day, the marriage is a lifetime." In all of the craziness, I lost sight of that. I am going to MARRY him and be with him for the rest of my life. I am going to say "I do" to loving him in sickness and in health till death do us part. I am going to love being loved by this man, and will love him back with all my heart. That's what it's about. Not the flowers or the correct number of chairs or the drinks we need to have. Those are the things that do help make it even more special, but the special part is the marriage between two people who love each other with their whole heart, and know that this is what God has planned for them.
So yes, this time next week, I will be Mrs. Warren. I will not be cancelling. I will not be throwing in the towel. And if I don't have seat covers for the chairs or the same shades of pink for all of my decorations, I will be ok. I have to remember that's not what it's about.
I feel the excitement coming back now. The more I think about it the more I can't believe we have really made it to this point. It's been a long road! Especially here lately. Word of advice is wait until you are settled into your job before you set a date! lol Ok, so I can't even be like that... Jared and I planned this date over a year ago while I was still in school. We had no idea where God would have me come fall, or if He would even bless me with a job. He definitely decided to put my skills to the test with this job! Yes, it's PreK, one of my favorite things. But, I cannot tell you the struggles and trials I have had to face each and every day! MANY of them pushing me out of my comfort zone. I know God definitely is testing me to see that I rely on him. He has brought me through quite a roller coaster ride so far. I have started a brand new PreK class with pretty much NOTHING in the classroom and turned it into a learning environment that is growing everyday. I have 20 amazing students who are all unique and brilliant in their own way. This class is an inclusion classroom and I have learned SO much within the past two months. It takes even more work than what is already required and it takes a strong heart to keep positive and find ways to make everyone reach their full potential. Being the positive light in a classroom at all times can be tough. Thankfully, these babies melt my heart and it doesn't take much for them to make me smile! <3 I am so blessed by all the students I have this year. I am so going to miss them while I am out for my honeymoon! They will be in some very good hands though.
I have learned that it is definitely a lot easier to manage and deal with children than it is adults. My school year started off in a whirlwind with many different faces in my room and many people that I just did not know. There were many hard times where I would just break down because I was not sure what to do or what people were thinking. I learned very quickly that I am in a place where I have amazing support all the way around, and that it is OK to not know the answer! I also have learned that I have to start speaking up and making decisions based on what I want. I have three wonderful team members in my classroom(2 at all times, 1 for half of the day). I love and respect them so much, for they have been patient and encouraging and working hard along side me. I have never been the one "in charge." Thankfully, they are all good sports as I learn to "tell them what to do." One of my mentors has told me many times, "Kristen, its your classroom. YOU do what YOU want." And I am learning to do just that!
I love working at Westside. I cannot even tell you how much I love the staff there, the environment., the community. Most of you know I still LOVE Tunnel Hill. :) I do believe Westside and Tunnel Hill are two schools that have got it going on, and are doing the right things for their students. I am so thankful. <3
The big question that I have been asked since I have gotten this job is "Are you moving down there?" Obviously, I would love not to have to drive 20 or more minutes to work. But, I would love to stay in Catoosa County. Right now, Jared and I are not going to be in a house before the wedding. We are preapproved and looking. The one we REALLY wanted was justs removed from the listings this week. Not sold... so I'm not sure what is going on. We never even got to go see it. We have some other options, but we are not going to worry about it until after we get back. It's not worth it right now! Until then, we are going to be living it up in a camper... lol How luxurious, I know, BUT, its free, its nice, its a place that Jared and I can be alone. and it's only temporary. Thankfully, my grandparents aren't going to be traveling for a while so they are letting us live in it. It's pretty nice. We are hoping two months tops and then we will be in a house. My goal is to be in one before Thanksgiving.
I think I have shared enough tonight. And I think I am actually going to sleep great too. My heart feels so much lighter now that I have a better focus on what is coming. The details are NOT it, the marriage is. And I am going to be marrying Jared Adam Warren in 7 days.... I cannot WAIT. <3
Goodnight friends,
-K
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